Brokenness

Today my heart broke.  I felt a genuine sense of pain as the knife of rejection split my heart in half.  The jagged edges bleed with tears of inadequacy and self-doubt.  The pain seeped into my stomach as the words, “I need time to think and see if a relationship with you is what I want in my life”.   Both heart and stomach were further assaulted with the hammering whisper “you aren’t good enough, you aren’t good enough…you will never be good enough.”  And this pain.  This excruciating heart and stomach pain continues to remind me, that I am broken.

I am not willing to remain immersed in this pain.  I reminded that out of brokenness much can be created.  Barbara Bloom wrote “When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.”  And so, out of my brokenness, I instead invite God to create beauty and to fill the cracks of my heart with gold and to display my history, of my full essence, for all to experience!!

Today my heart broke. And God filled the cracks with His gold.